Happy birthday to me :)

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 Waqt hi nahi tha uske pass ya mujhse milne ki tadap ?

Kuch sawalon se shuru hai aaj ka din kya kabhi mai zaroori thi ...

Hello Birthday girl ...

khud hi ko wish kar liya apne birthday pe kyon ki usne nahi kiya uski galti nahi hai mai zaruri nahi thi kabhi itni ....

Does anyone knows where the switch is ? To off these feeling i am having for him . All the time i am having  feelings for him . I am tired of this feeling i am having for him ,I am trying to live in peace and let him too .Pata nahi what i want what i am expecting from him still. I know very well in all this we both are getting hurt ...no one is getting anything out of it .

"Tujhe bhulna mere bas me nahi Tujhe pana mere bas mein nahi  ,Ek teri yaad hai jo mere saath hai Warna ye galiya ye sheher ye duniya sab barbaad hai "

Everything is so mess complicated between us kuch hai bhi aur kuch hai hi nahi .Lost in my thoughts sometimes i wonder what i am holding on to so long every memory we had has become blur ,Still ur the first thought in the morning and last one too.Still i imagine u next to me sitting with me smiling at me and my eyes glued on ur face trying to see love in ur eyes only for me .

Sometimes i blame situation sometimes myself for this mess between us as we go days sometime months without having a word a meaningful conversation .Why we are like this ? I always end of up thinking i am not worth of love that's why i never got it . I was never good enough for anyone i was always like as ashtray .

Today i turned 39 i wanted to be 39 always it's a huge milestone for me in my thoughts , I always thought i would grow older wiser and heal myself ...though i doubt that :) 

I am both healer and harmer
i  fix everyone i can ,but in the end 
i have no strength left to heal myself .

i am really tired for once i want someone to hold me and make me feel needed wanted ,i want to held in arms melt der as if its my home .

wake up baby girl time to come back in reality where no one is by ur side .You are on your own here sitting all alone .

Ending my day in memories which are blur and vague .




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