Posts

Khamoshi

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Having no contact with the person whom once you called home is real pain . The void silence in the room is filled with all the unsaid words . I am sitting on chair in silence replaying all the memories in my mind feeling your presence and hearing the laughter once we shared. Suddenly heart is heavy and eyes are wet to realise the absence of you . It feels like loosing a part of me part by part,the part which i never said goodbye the part i never gave permission to leave .  "It's not goodbye which hurts it's a flashback which keep coming" Feeling "what could have been "if we stayed. Once again room is dark as sun has set and it is filled with silence emptiness around me . I got up from swing took empty cup of coffee in hand and while washing cup cold tap water bought me in present. I stayed silent.

Walking out

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  Tenu paake bhi dekh liya, mai tenu kho ke bhi dekh liya. Tere khwaba vich aai jaa, mai tenu soke bhi dekh liya. Aankha sukhdi hii na, mai roke bhi dekh liya. Menu raas na aaya ishq mai tera hoke vi dekh liya. I am sorry i can't handle things anymore for both of us .I been standing like rock solid for many people in my life . May it be family ,friends known and unknown people.I was expecting you to stand like rock for us but whenever we fought or argued we only drifted apart more and more . Now we have reached to the point where both of us are standing on two different sides of road and we both can't hear each other and there is lot of smog between us neither we can see each other. Whenever i came to you with my insecurities issues problems all you did is heard them and ignored them,may be i was cribbing lot maybe you were looking something else in me and all you got is damaged piece . The damage you have not done but yes couldn't repair them either as you thought so.I don...

Galat hu mai

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 Sahi keh raha tha woh ,mai hi galat hu apni hi dhun mai hu . Apne man mai bahut kuch tai kar leti hu aur soch leti hu ke yahi chahiye mujhe ...har baar yahi hi socha ki usse bhi shayad mai hi chaiye hu . Dekho toh aaj mai akele hi khadi hu yaha, soch kar woh aayega par nahi aaya woh phir bhi umeed nahi chodi hai.Hasti rehti hu apne andar samandar liye chalti rehti hu par roh dehti hu,koi pyar se halka sa chule toh.Mere andar ka samandar bhene lagta hai khud pe kabu pana aab mere bas mai nahi , Aaj yahi toh hua mere saath achanak ma'am me peet PE haath rakh ke pucha tum thik ho ....achanak Jo mere andar bhara tha woah bahar aagaya aur mai khub rone lagi . Pata hi nahi chala mai itni bhari hui thi. Dubara utke phir hass ke gum kar diya aapne aap ko bheed mai.Hassi ke shor mai jaha kisi ko na dikhaie diya meri aakho mai dard sab ko laga sab thik hai  aur mai na kha phir kaha  yeah all ok ....I am ok

Happy birthday to me :)

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 Waqt hi nahi tha uske pass ya mujhse milne ki tadap ? Kuch sawalon se shuru hai aaj ka din kya kabhi mai zaroori thi ... Hello Birthday girl ... khud hi ko wish kar liya apne birthday pe kyon ki usne nahi kiya uski galti nahi hai mai zaruri nahi thi kabhi itni .... Does anyone knows where the switch is ? To off these feeling i am having for him . All the time i am having  feelings for him . I am tired of this feeling i am having for him ,I am trying to live in peace and let him too .Pata nahi what i want what i am expecting from him still. I know very well in all this we both are getting hurt ...no one is getting anything out of it . "Tujhe bhulna mere bas me nahi Tujhe pana mere bas mein nahi  , Ek teri yaad hai jo mere saath hai Warna ye galiya ye sheher ye duniya sab barbaad hai " Everything is so mess complicated between us kuch hai bhi aur kuch hai hi nahi .Lost in my thoughts sometimes i wonder what i am holding on to so long every memory we had has become blur ,St...

Kitab

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  Tujhe padne ki fursat nahi mili aur hum bikte rahe kitabo ki tarah . Long long ago ho gaya ab story mai iss baar jab baat hui toh ehsas hua kitna arsa hua humhe baat karke  kehen ko aas pass hi the paar durr hi the .... Tujhe milne ki chahat itni thi ki eshas hi na hua kab hum hum na rahe aur aam ban gaye . Aaj dekha khud ko aaine mein toh safedi baalo mai ehsas kara rahi thi mai umar ke naye padaoo pe aagayi hu ab woh phele wali mai nahi hu ....par kya woh ehas kaam hua jo tumhare liye tha ...inhe sawalon mein uljhi apni lato ko suljarali thi..... Jo samhe thi jiska aks tha woh toh koi aur thi jo badal gayi thi chehre par lakire thi bahut sari. Kuch chehre par kuch uske kirdar par ....Phir usne apana palla samhala chehre par muskan layi mahte paar bindiya lagai aur aaine par se dhund hatai ....aab kuch jani phechani  si thi woh .... Nikalte Nikalte usne hasi hooto se chipka li jisse koi sawal na utte kyu ho tum udas kyu tum hari aankhen bolti hai bahut kuch ....aur phi...

You can't control who stays and who goes

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Its time to start a new chapter in my book .Ican't keep scrolling that one page forever, its not that i will  forget what's been written on it , good bad job bhi tha woh mera tha mere hi rahega but i am letting it go....its time to move on ...i cant allow you u to keep coming and going in and out of my life and hurting me, left with pain,questions,unsaid words,self doubts. I want to be dandelion if u don't wana stick around will make u free from it ....no arguments just opening the closed fist and making u free from my side.....I am too exhausted in this relationship were we both are suffocating with the burden of expectations from each other...will love to meet u in another life where may be will be different then what we are today ...or meet you after some years and feel good about knowing u as person instead of ignoring u . I want to be me again laughing again smiling again from the person who has smile guled on face all time but crying screaming inside hiding from world...

Lost

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Today where life is taking me i don't know feeling very different inside me . All the thoughts feelings emotions are mixed up ...may be i am overthinking may be i am protective....may be i am tired of getting hurt ....may be not ready to trust any one actually i am not ready to trust myself again. I know nothing is gonna stay everything comes in my life is for momentary...they stay and go as per their own convience and i keep waiting for them ... I am not ok and i am fine to admit i am not ok ...i am low . I don't want to hurt or get hurt either...i know it's all in my head but my doubt are very strong .... Whenever u want u come and go ...after few days again i will be shattered because agian I will be unwanted in life ...ur ignorance will kill me ...i don't know how to stop u or let go u completely. What i am fighting is inner me than u ...am i making any sense or i am so vulnerable that my words are lost in a cyclone of emotions. Na aage ka kuch soch saku na peeche k...